100th post! yay!
So this is my 100th post! yay!! too bad it's going to be depressing, i wrote this down the other night before i went to bed. =p sry if this depresses/makes someone cry/ or just makes your day bad. but this is my blog and i feel i needed to put this on here, because it's my personal blog first, then it's your ... entertainment's not the right word but it will have to do.
Stubborn
What is the longest you've ever stuck with something that was impossible.
Not something that just seemed impossible, but something that in the history of man kind has never happened.
For me it was 20 months this past saturday.
I'm very stubborn. Even though I know the prayer that i'm praying will never be answered i still pray it. I cry the same tears of frustration much too often. I'm not crazy. Oart of me knows my dad's not comming back.
Part of me remembers the chaos that came on that seemingly normal may day.
It remembers the funeral. the tears, the cold hand that belonged to the man lying in a box who so much resembled my daddy, but who in so many other ways was not my dad at all.
But the other part blocks it out. It remembers only the good and refuses to register the bad.
It somehow belives he's still here. It's why some mornings i wake up and still think he's alive. Because of this part. I have called his cell phone number only to hear a recording reminding me he's never going to pick up that phone again.
I'm not in total enial, i know he's gone, but i think that maybe if i go to God one more timein tears, with a heart only full of musery, maybe he'll give me back my daddy.
Everyone eles in my family seems to be "at peace" with my daddy's death. But I can't be, I'm the stubborn one.
Like i said sorry for this depressing thing. =[
but i had a pretty awesome rest of the weekend. and it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day! so have a party! reflect with friends. Enjoy this amazing holiday and being out of school =]
and of course it would snow on the day we don't have school =p
I wanna snow day so badly!
Random Quote of the day: "We can both suck at it together" -- Jake
Stubborn
What is the longest you've ever stuck with something that was impossible.
Not something that just seemed impossible, but something that in the history of man kind has never happened.
For me it was 20 months this past saturday.
I'm very stubborn. Even though I know the prayer that i'm praying will never be answered i still pray it. I cry the same tears of frustration much too often. I'm not crazy. Oart of me knows my dad's not comming back.
Part of me remembers the chaos that came on that seemingly normal may day.
It remembers the funeral. the tears, the cold hand that belonged to the man lying in a box who so much resembled my daddy, but who in so many other ways was not my dad at all.
But the other part blocks it out. It remembers only the good and refuses to register the bad.
It somehow belives he's still here. It's why some mornings i wake up and still think he's alive. Because of this part. I have called his cell phone number only to hear a recording reminding me he's never going to pick up that phone again.
I'm not in total enial, i know he's gone, but i think that maybe if i go to God one more timein tears, with a heart only full of musery, maybe he'll give me back my daddy.
Everyone eles in my family seems to be "at peace" with my daddy's death. But I can't be, I'm the stubborn one.
Like i said sorry for this depressing thing. =[
but i had a pretty awesome rest of the weekend. and it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day! so have a party! reflect with friends. Enjoy this amazing holiday and being out of school =]
and of course it would snow on the day we don't have school =p
I wanna snow day so badly!
Random Quote of the day: "We can both suck at it together" -- Jake
posted by Jenni | 9:12 AM
1 Comments:
yay for keeping your blog going this long!
I've never lost anyone very close to me and I can't imagine what it must be like. I'm really sorry. :/
yay for no school and Martin Luther King Jr. He did such great things. :D
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